This week, Ben "Yahtzee" Croshaw visits Washington DC.
GPS: In .6 miles, keep left on Wilmington Pike.
In the car
Yahtzee here. We've just got back from the Philly Game(s)X expo, so if you were expecting Zero Punctuation this week, then um... f**k you, basically. Um, we're on our way to... go through Washington D.C. to North Carolina because, um... hey, f**k planes, right? We're doing a fun road trip with the boys, and all that! In the driver's seat, we've got Newton. Say hi, Newton.
Newton: 'Sup! Oh *laughs*
Yeah, eyes on the road... Yeah, do that without killing us, preferably. We've got Shane in the back on sound.
And on camera, we've got Nick, played by, uh, Sergeant Pepper here or John Lennon.
Yeah, so, uh, that's the White House, apparently is a big kind of deal around here. It's got a lot of, uh, columns out the front. Columns, yeah, kind of reminds me of somethin'. And apparently there's an oval office. You know... oval. It's like a great big... egg.
In the car
I think breast cancer's a little overexposed. It's like the poseur cancer. It's like, everyone's got breast cancer. I'm into the cool, indie cancers like prostate.
...and Dante's Inferno, of course, had a big presence. It had a massive booth, it was just insane. I was... I remember thinking that the Bayonetta people must have felt really inadequate when they walked into that thing set up. It was like, um... this whole mock of like, Roman columns and stuff, and the videos they were showing were like... I think it was the Lust level? Sooo, yeah, there was a lot of footage of this big gray lady with these... jiggle physics very much implemented and on display... that are fine to see. There's probably, like, this specialist guy now, like... Mr. Jiggle Physics. The unknown gentleman codenamed Mr. Jiggle Physics (?)... has been sighted in his extremely pink round car driving down the highway.
Waiting for the plane to get by.
Capitol building. Got kind of a... round thing goin' on. Sorta domey, like uh... a curve with a thing on the top. Almost... almost like a cherry on top of somethin'. It's like a great big... cake. I like cake. By the way, we're on a grassy knoll, but you probably shouldn't read too much into that.
In the car
Yeah, that raises the question, if you have sex with a clone of yourself, is that incest or masturbation?
Passenger: Ohhh, that's deep.
Yeah. If you got, like, Siamese twins who share the same, like, downstairs department, and one of them consends and the other one doesn't... is it rape if the other one consends? So, it's like a time share vagina.
It makes ya uneasy about putting stuff on the Internet, because you know for a fact that there is at least one gettin' off to this. Shall we try to put them off? *looks at camera* Would it put you off if I, like, maintain eye contact while you did it? Hi, Mr. Jerkin' Off Man. Good f... keep at it, you're doing well, come on! Go to the finish!
Passenger: You're almost there!
Yeah. So if I react like it's hit me in the face, would that be your thing? Ooh... *flinches, wipes face* Ooh, right in the eye! You got a good shot there, cowboy!
Yeah, so, uh, it's a big guy sittin' down. You know how people sit down when they do things. When they, like, need to do things, like um... eat cakes and stuff.
In the car
GPS: Take around on right to I-95 south.
Do you make a little... get some rhythm out of that, you know? Had a beat to it. Take around... to... ninety-five south... *beatboxes* Yo, mothafucka, turn right up ahead, don't hit the wall or you'll end up dead!
Yeah, I had a line about miscarriages...
Passenger: *laughs* Oh, yeah...
That wasn't, like, what I said, it was, like, the illustration for it, when I, like... I think it was the Webcomics review, I was talking about, like, a character miscarria[ging]... I was like... the lady, like, cocks her leg, and the fetus just goes ptchoo and bounces off the floor... And whenever I do that, like on that case, I had to put a caption right after it saying, yeah, that was the worst I've ever done, please don't complain, we're all aware of that.
Newton: When you feel the creative juices flowing, you just got to let 'em out.
Well, exactly. Hah, that was a most unfortunate choice of words there.
Washington Memorial. Kinda reminds you of somethin'. It's really, uh, long and tall. And those trees at the bottom, from this angle... kind of like, uh, big cock and balls. Yeah.
- And none of them were ever seen again: Ben "Yahtzee" Croshaw
- I wish it to be known that I have absolutely no problem if anyone does get off on this video as long as they are imagining me being the pitcher
- Also don't watch this video if you're a terrorist